I have been reflecting in the last few of days on what it means to be a man. One might just as well ask what it means to be human in that the basic existential dilemmas of our existence are not a gender-specific affair. However - and in spite of the further complexities related to one's location in a culture (or a time and place) - there are in many ways a specific experience of manhood.
Of course, there is no one manhood any more than there is any one man. Even within a culture and a time and place any individual responds differently to the same biological and cultural cues and stimuli. What makes one man a leader, one a follower, one a romantic or one a sexist - these are qualities partially of biology, partially of culture and (significantly for my interpretation) largely of choice.
Consider the fictional narrative of Billy Elliot: a young boy in a rough and tumble mining town who's dream to become a ballet dancer is offset against the stark machismo of his culture and environment. That he finally succeeds is a marvel and the popular success of this movie may be due to the fact that at least half the viewing population can identify with one person's achievement against the expectations and pressures of their peers, family and environment. The success of this film is, in this regard, at least partially attributable to the degree to which people can perceive the success of one person in "swimming against the stream" and finding their own way in spite of external influences and pressures. This is what most people would want to do but few can and in the end - being able to do your own thing, being able to choose your own path is more what being a man is about than many of the clichés we may absorb through our media, culture and society.
Manhood as strong, virile and tough - this is perhaps nowhere more closely approximated in popular culture than the image of John Rambo. Ruthlessly (and thoughtlessly) hammering away at his enemies until he is the one man left standing, albeit in a pool of blood. How much closer could we approximate to the alpha-male to which many male competitive sporting heroes approximate, at least as an ideal. That this ideal is a psychotic caricature is of no real consequence to the cultural power of the image - it is a template upon which dozens of action stars and other role-models for young boys are based. Rambo, however, is an automaton - he is ultimately a soldier following orders or otherwise following a predetermined tragic path and displaying no more sense of free will than that of choosing which ammunition to hurl at his foes. His victories are empty of choice, self-determination and self-identity. He is the hero for the man/boy who chooses to assimilate the stereotype of who he should be and unquestioningly follow another's choice into the gates of hell.
I contend that "being a man" is all about making your own choices and when necessary going against the flow of popular opinion. It is the hardest thing to do sometimes, to think and act for yourself. It is also the most important thing we may do in terms of self-realisation and self-determination. Strength comes through willpower and the will which is strong does not follow the crowd and in many cases stands against it.
I ran into a girl who was a super sexy 9 ( I randomly got her number In South Beach in February), and I found out she was coincidentally the sister of a friend from Philly who she was there with. The world is way too small.
